Why Men Go Hot and Cold & 5 Things You Need to Do
Giving these guys space is the best way to communicate that you are not okay with the hot and cold antics. If your man is not sure of the relationship, then you. Guys who blow hot and cold are playing a game and they want to get their It's not satisfying enough for these guys to get with you and enjoy a relationship. When a guy runs hot and cold on you, it's extremely likely that he's actually acting out his own insecurity in the relationship (and driving you crazy in the process).
Once stated, the hot phase normally reboots and continues with forward movement. A hot and cold player reverts to cold as the norm, with bursts of hot that don't result in forward movement. The root cause of this behavior is a desperate attempt to gain control over the uncontrollable; love. It's a way to feel love without getting hurt. But the partner, who's committed to playing safe, will never allow himself or herself to experience love.
They'll toy at it, dipping their toes in and out of the water without ever getting wet.
The Hot and Cold Guy: Why Is He Hot and Cold (And What to Do About It)
The cycles of hot and cold may make you feel like the powerless one. It appears as though as though your partner has all the strength. But it's just the opposite -- real power is the ability to maintain intimacy.
Power and strength of this caliber have no fear of being honest and direct. Games are an ego default when being "real" feels too scary.The Dating Game of Hot & Cold; Decoding the Phases and Patterns — Susan Winter
Authenticity takes tremendous courage. Being open and honest is a gift that's born of inner confidence and self-worth. Here's where the tables turn in your favor.
Once you recognize this pattern, you've already gained your freedom from the automatic response instigated by your partner's game. There's nothing to lose. Authentic communication reveals your partner's fears, allowing their concerns to be voiced and worked out while maintaining connection.
Does your questioning meet hostility, defensiveness or resistance? If so, you've gained valuable information. This is a partner who's in the game for an ego boost and doesn't possess the skill set required for a relationship with you. Cut your losses and walk away. Your time's better spent with someone who is capable of honesty, intimacy, and consistent behavior. After questioning, does your partner react with concern or guilt?
Do they reveal their inner conflict?
If so, then you may have stumbled upon a highly sensitive and fearful individual. Evaluate your partner carefully.
Do they have the capacity for trust?
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Do they want to explore the possibility of a relationship with you? When men fall in love, their testosterone levels lower. However, when women fall in love, their testosterone levels are increased creating more equal testosterone levels in the man and the woman and because of this, at this early stage of the relationship, men and women differ far less than they normally would in their behaviour and interactions.
So what does this tell you? And not only that — but because your behaviour and your biochemistry starts to become more and more different after the initial period, he the man starts to meet a resistance which I will talk more about below. Have you ever promised yourself you would do NEVER do something EVER again, like, say, never lose your temper with your man again, or never eat a chocolate candy bar again, and then….
This is the subconscious part of your brain simply going for what feels great at the moment. Kind of like getting a quick fix in the moment of an emotional difficulty.
You become far less easy to make happy. And — now you are both seeing the other parts of each other.
Since a man wants to make you happy this need is at the core of himthis is like a blow to the guts for many men, and they may get confused, withdraw, and start to feel less inclined to take things to the next level, partly because they are not being made to feel like a man anymore.
This is hard for a man to take. Even if he genuinely loves you. Not willing to admit it, but scared nonetheless. Click here to find out right now… Men have to come on strong See, if a man really desires you OR if he is falling in love with you, he HAS to come on strong.
This is how it works in the animal kingdom — and it still works similar to us humans, even though men have become a lot more passive in this modern era. So, he has to come on strong to form a bond with you — regardless of whether or not he is in love with you. On a primal level, this helps him to secure you as a mate, and it leads, hopefully, to procreation and babies.
Now — back to what I said above about reality setting in. Reality sets in for both of you after the initial period, and what happens is the man then feels some resistance. Meeting the resistance If you are a member of Commitment Control, you would already be aware of what commitment resistance is, and how to overcome commitment resistance in a man. This is where YOU come in, and where what you do as a woman, in your relationship with him or any future man for that matter is absolutely crucial.
Not all men are commitment ready. Take this quiz and see if your man is commitment friendly and commitment ready. So the longer you go without understanding men and not knowing how to deal with him pulling away after coming on so strong — the more of your own time you waste, and the more pain you experience in your relationships.
Many men have commitment resistance, but if you know how to overcome it — it never needs to happen again in your relationship. See, for you as a woman, attachment will often feel completely natural. You want to go further, take things further, get a man to open up, and maybe create a future together.
5 Signs His Hot And Cold Behavior Means He Doesn’t Want To Be With You
Something outside of the relationship is bothering him. This is usually the number one reason a man will pull away or withdraw from a relationship. Men deal with stress and difficulties differently than most women.
Men typically prefer to retreat and work things out internally rather than talking about it and seeking others out for comfort. The best thing you can do is just do nothing. Give him the space he needs and just focus on your own life. Men are not in a headspace to be compassionate and loving when they are stressed and off balance and it will be very hard for you not to take his behavior personally.
But only if you respect his need for space! This is a huge mistake most women make. He wants to slow things down. So he settles into a more comfortable routine, and that often means he is slightly less engaged in the relationship.
No one wants this to be the truth. At the root of his hot and cold behavior is a whopping dose of uncertainty.