Here are two specific ways in which your anxiety can lead to problems maintaining connections with others, as well as strategies you can. Don't tell her of your crippling anxiety when you have it or speak with This is absolutely your problem, not hers, and whether you think so or. Learning about the causes and effects of relationship anxiety can help us to identify We may feel possessive or controlling toward our partner in response. .. I don't know it my last post went through but I have a serious anxiety problem with.
Learning more about the causes and effects of relationship anxiety can help us to identify the negative thinking and actions that can sabotage our love lives. How can we keep our anxiety in check and allow ourselves to be vulnerable to someone we love?
What Causes Relationship Anxiety?
The more we value someone else, the more we stand to lose. On many levels, both conscious and unconscious, we become scared of being hurt. To a certain degree, we all possess a fear of intimacy.
Get out before you get hurt. It can promote hostile, paranoid and suspicious thinking that lowers our self-esteem and drives unhealthy levels of distrust, defensiveness, jealousy and anxiety.
Basically, it feeds us a consistent stream of thoughts that undermine our happiness and make us worry about our relationship, rather than just enjoying it. When we get in our heads, focusing on these worried thoughts, we become incredibly distracted from real relating with our partner. We may start to act out in destructive ways, making nasty comments or becoming childish or parental toward our significant other.
For example, imagine your partner stays at work late one night. Can you really believe her?
She probably prefers being away from you. You may act angry or cold, which then sets your partner off to feel frustrated and defensive. Instead of enjoying the time you have together, you may waste an entire night feeling withdrawn and upset with each other.
When it comes to all of the things we worry ourselves about in relationships, we are much more resilient than we think.
In truth, we can handle the hurts and rejections that we so fear. We can experience pain, and eventually, heal. However, our critical inner voice tends to terrorize and catastrophize reality. It will completely distort reality and undermine our own strength and resilience. Just put your guard up and never be vulnerable to anyone else. When we feel anxious or insecure, some of us have a tendency to become clingy and desperate in our actions.
We may feel possessive or controlling toward our partner in response. Conversely, some of us will feel easily intruded on in our relationships.
We may retreat from our partners, detach from our feelings of desire. We may act out by being aloof, distant or guarded. These patterns of relating can come from our early attachment styles.
Our attachment pattern is established in our childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood. It influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met. Different attachment styles can lead us to experience different levels of relationship anxiety.
You can learn more about what your attachment style is and how it impacts your romantic relationships here. What Thoughts Perpetuate Relationship Anxiety? The specific critical inner voices we have about ourselves, our partner and relationships are formed out of early attitudes we were exposed to in our family or in society at large. Sexual stereotypes as well as attitudes that our influential caretakers had toward themselves and others can infiltrate our point of view and shade our current perceptions.
Critical Inner Voices about the Relationship People just wind up getting hurt. Relationships never work out. Men are so insensitive, unreliable, selfish. Women are so fragile, needy, indirect. He only cares about being with his friends. The last thing I'd suggest is using such medicine. Please try therapy first. I used to treat drug addicts all the time for a couple of years. I think I have dealt with dependence, a lot.
I also got agoraphobics out of the house for the first time in years, etc. Judicious use of anxiolytics - the right ones for the situation - is paramount initially. When I was much younger I had a similar fear of being cheated on, because I had been cheated on in several relationships in a row. Obviously this was really painful, but I found something that helped me get over the fear, jealousy, and pain.
Try reading up on ethical polyamorous relationships. I don't recommend polyamorous relationships, they're really complicated and often dramatic.
How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety - PsychAlive
Just read about the concept, and how people manage to have long term non-monogamous relationships. Basically it's like steering into the skid. Just as a mental exercise, consider not only being ok with your partner seeing other people, but being happy for them, and actually encouraging them to pursue a relationship with someone else because it makes them happy.How to STOP Overthinking (EASIEST WAY)