A girl may say she hangs with the guys more than her girlfriends or a guy may give and take, but if one keeps taking and never gives, the relationship breaks. Recently, I wrote a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. A girl jumps from one social circle to another, making fast friends that don't last . Essentially women believe in a "we" relationship rather than an "I" One young man once complained to me, "Sometimes my girlfriend is in the kitchen and she.
I now see girls from a different perspective. They're someone else's future wife, someone else's daughter, sister, etc. Sex has killed my best relationships. For example, I had a college sweetheart, the girl of my dreams.
With her, there was never a dull moment. Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level. And so, instead of growing closer together, we actually started drifting apart.
That's what I mean by "sex killed my best relationships. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship. As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south. We might still be together today if we I had waited. I've seen this happen with countless relationships, not just others of my own, but those of many other people.
And I think there's a reason for this, which I'll explain next. Sex before marriage ruins the other parts of the relationship. For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl.
As I look back on it, I can say that they happened literally every time, although I was unaware of these dynamics at the time. The two things were this: I don't know why this happened, I just know that it did.
Maybe it's just built into "the system. I've seen it happen over and over again. I know many people having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex.
They go into the marriage with lack of respect and lack of trust, two absolute necessities for the health of any marriage. I know a newlywed couple who have sex less than once a month because of this -- he doesn't respect her, she knows it, and she doesn't trust him, so she doesn't want to give herself to him.
It's very sad, and more common than you might think. But nobody talks about this kind of thing in public. And the movie and TV portrayals of couples having sex before marriage never present it either. It's like no one wants to acknowledge that it's happening, even though it is. Waiting to have sex with my wife will mean better sex in my marriage. Because we'll go into the marriage with me having more respect for her and her having more trust in me.
One thing I've learned: Deep down, she doesn't really enjoy being with him. This is how it works. Since "girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex," a couple will have sex before marriage. The girl does this to hold on to the relationship.
The guy does it because he wants it even more than the relationship itself. Then, after the marriage, the woman has what she wants: So she doesn't need to use sex to get him anymore.
And, because she may be harboring resentment because he had sex with her before they were married, she is now not interested in sex.
And the guy -- who doesn't treasure his wife because of the sex before marriage -- still wants sex but not as a total bonding experience with his wife. It's just sex, which she figures out. So, there is a lousy sex life in the marriage. I'm not making this stuff up. Now that I'm out of college and many people around me are getting married, I'm seeing it happen all the time. And consequently they'll have better and more frequent sex because they respect each other more and love each other more deeply.
Not having sex with other women will mean better sex in my marriage. Sex is a mysterious thing that causes a deep bond between people, even if we call it "casual. It's like a piece of scotch tape -- the more you use it on different surfaces, the less it sticks to things.
Romances with Wolves
After awhile, it won't stick to anything. If I bond with other girls before I get married, I won't be able to bond as well with my wife someday. I won't cherish her as much as I could have, and consequently I won't love her as much as I could have.
Each day that passes that I've remained faithful to my future wife means that my relationship with her will be better. It's a funny thing: Because, if you take the element of time out of the equation, premarital sex is adultery.
We can imagine how adultery would greatly injure a marriage relationship, maybe premarital sex actually has nearly the same result. It injures the potential bond between a man and a woman.
I don't have to sleep with a woman to know if we're "sexually compatible. That's what I've found out. It's supposed to be the icing on the cake when all the other aspects of your relationship are working well.
I've come to understand that the sex will be good if the rest of the relationship is good. That's why I know I don't have to sleep with my wife to find out if we're sexually compatible. If we get along in every other area, the sex will be fine. Something else needs to be said here. Another thing I think I've "discovered" is this: If you put your sexual relationship under a microscope, always judging it and judging the relationship by it, it's doomed to fail.
It's like being in prison. You're locked in to something that is supposed to be freeing, not incapacitating.
But, when you focus on the other parts of the relationship, and the sex isn't the focus, then you're freed up to have a more enjoyable sex life, with no pressure of having to make it always spectacular. Because it won't be. And yet, I don't think that as a college-age adult I was capable of not focusing on sex, that is, unless it wasn't present at all.
That's why I think it's best to wait altogether. I have found something more satisfying than sex. I know what you're thinking: And in fact, in a way sex helped me to discover the something that outdoes it. And that something is not really a something, it's a someone. Just hear me out on this one, I know it sounds far-fetched, but the whole thing makes sense. God has created us in such a way that we can't be ultimately satisfied by anything except Him. He built that into the human system, and into each one of our individual systems.
As one man put it, "Inside every person is a God-shaped vacuum that only God can fill. So we discard them and move on to something or someone else, hoping that in them we will find the kind of fulfillment we are all really looking for. But the problem is, we never find it unless we come to God for it, because only He can provide it. God loves us too much to see us truly satisfied by anything other than Himself.
He wants the best for us, and that means Himself. Nothing or no one is more important than God. I know that's true because I found it out for myself. The emptiness I had -- after buying this and buying that, after sexual escapades, after all my efforts to be fulfilled in life -- the emptiness came to an end when I asked God into my life. More specifically, when I asked Jesus Christ into my life. Jesus Christ said, "He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty" John 6: Those words came true in my life.
When I entered into a relationship with God, the God-shaped vacuum inside me was finally filled. I didn't feel empty anymore. Consequently, knowing God has given me a deeper satisfaction than sex ever did. God has given me the strength to wait. It's been years since I've had sex. Men like to solve problems on their own yet women like to solve problems in the relationship as a team.
Men can sometimes view unsolicited assistance as an undermining of their effort to solve problems alone while women value assistance, and thus view unsolicited solutions as undermining their effort to proceed interactively. Men want their solutions to be appreciated; women want their assistance to be appreciated and somewhere along the line all this gets misunderstood.
Dating essentially becomes this intense battlefield of mind games that no one really knows how to navigate and results in explosive fights for no good reason. When faced with tough times, men become non-communicative so they can work out how best to help themselves, while women become communicative so that others can work out how best to help them.
When men do communicate, they like to get to the point, but women enjoy talking for its own sake. Thus a gap in communication is created and we have the root of most problems in a relationship.
Fixing this break in a couples' communicating methods is a great step towards better understanding the needs of your partner. When it comes to actually talking, men and women speak in very different ways. They basically speak two completely different languages. Men talk in very literal terms while women use a more artistic and dramatic vocabulary to fully express their feelings.
Men like to sort their thoughts out before communicating them and thus become distant and non-communicative as they ponder their feelings. This difference between men and women can lead both to feeling personally to blame for the others problems - which is not true, but the divide in communication can make it seem that way.
It is also important to note that nobody really needs someone.
Yeah sure, it is nice to have someone to hold at night and it feels good to share your life with another human being, however, men and women were each built to survive independently. A man's instinct is to look after himself first and foremost, while women have valued their independence long before they were even given civil rights.
You have to consider the thoughts and feelings of your partner and sometimes have to put their needs before yours.
The Real Difference Between Men And Women When It Comes To Relationships - Narcity
Again, this is difficult for both men and women because each is used to being on their own. Both have to remember to accept and forgive the other, and avoid blaming them when they fail. For example, men feel gratified when they are left to sort things out by themselves and feel undermined by being offered sympathy or help while women feel the opposite. Women feel gratified by being offered support and feel undermined when they are left to sort things out by themselves.